kigs: kigs (Default)
[personal profile] kigs
Dear Internet,

Like many American rug rats, I lost an entire summer to Cable television.

Before then, I spent my summers doing classic "old fashioned" things with my summer vacation. Examples include running through the sprinklers, playing street hockey, riding my bike, and causing general mischief. My entire childhood consisted of scraped knees, bruised elbows, and stitches. I loved it. At age 24, I sometimes feel that I owe my parents an apology for ever being a kid.

Then I hear about what monstrosities they inflicted on my grandparents, and suddenly I don't feel so bad. My mother and her siblings grew up in Mexico, and apparently American Childhoods are mild in comparison. Their childhood stories revolve around getting bitten by dogs and throwing each other into walls. Silly kids.

Things progressed as usual until, one day, my family purchased cable television. BAM! I lost an entire summer vacation sitting placidly in front of a television. I had the entire programming schedule memorized. Kids would knock on my door and ask me to play hockey, and I would politely decline because "Legends of the Hidden Temple" was about to come on.


Cable Television Ate My Childhood!!

Thankfully, I managed to escape its jagged grasp and rejoin society. Nowadays, I don't even have cable. It's expensive, and most of the programming is cheaper to watch online or to buy the DVD. I will never get that summer back.

In honor of lost summers, I have decided to share some entertainment with you wonderful internet people. For everyone who has ever lost a summer to Alf, Little House on the Prairie, or Dinosaurs. Compliments of Bob, I present to you, the 7 most Soul Crushing Season Finales on Television.

Here's a sneak peak; the ending to my personal favorite childhood fossilized sitcom: Dinosaurs

I think I actually watched this Season Finale, and blocked it out of my memory. My stubborn little boy brain refused to believe that my favorite show had ended with the Extinction of all of its stars.


Date: 2010-04-26 12:29 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Up until I read this, I wasn't even aware that Dinosaurs lasted long enough to warrant a series finale. After it fell out of its original prime time slot, I never saw it again - cable television never existed in my household, on the grounds that 'those damn vidyagames' were bad enough.

How utterly depressing a conclusion.

Date: 2010-04-26 02:20 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Legends of the Hidden Temple was the shit.

Also - I had no idea that was how Dinosaurs ended. I only remember it as Family Matters, but with dinosaurs, and that the baby was basically the Urkel of the show.

...soul crushing is right. My god.

Date: 2010-04-26 02:33 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I'd forgotten about that ending ... but the name "Howard Handupme" almost makes up for the soul-crushing.

Date: 2010-04-26 08:25 am (UTC)
ext_133774: (Default)
From: [identity profile]
It is a glorious name for a puppet. A glorious name.

Date: 2010-04-26 03:19 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
While killing a few minutes at work I found that same list on on Friday. I didn't know about the ALF one...but man. That's soul crushing for sure.

I think I saw the ending of Dinosaurs on my grandma's TV in Taiwan (subtitled in Chinese) and remember finding it kinda "oh! that ties in neatly with what we thought killed the dinosaurs." Dark humor it is indeed!

Date: 2010-04-26 08:37 am (UTC)
ext_133774: (Default)
From: [identity profile]
Some of the content from that show is incredible. They cover a lot of adult topics in that show.

I did a quick wiki, and found the following list:

"environmentalism, women's rights, sexual harassment, objectification of women, censorship, civil rights, body image, steroid use, allusions to masturbation (in the form of Robbie getting caught doing a mating dance by himself), drug abuse, racism, peer pressure, rights of indigenous peoples, corporate crime, government interference of parenting, and allusions to homosexuality and communism (in the guise of herbivorism)."

The Mating Dance by Himself. That's one of the best euphemisms ever.

Date: 2010-04-26 05:53 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Maybe you can get away with alluding to a lot more when you have a bunch of dinosaur puppets.

And now, the mating dance!

Date: 2010-04-26 04:10 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I liked Dinosaurs, but for completely unintended reasons.

Also, it was years before I got the joke about their last name.

Date: 2010-04-26 08:31 am (UTC)
ext_133774: (Default)
From: [identity profile]
For those of you who didn't catch this joke, their last name is "Sinclair". This is after the Sinclair Oil Company, which has a Dinosaur in their logo.

Edited Date: 2010-04-26 08:31 am (UTC)

Date: 2010-04-26 01:53 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I NEVER got that :O

*the more you know*

Date: 2010-04-26 07:20 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Yup. I grew up in Michigan, and all the Sinclair stations there had closed years before. It wasn't until I took a trip to Minnesota, where the brand still exists, that it hit me.

Date: 2010-04-26 01:54 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Is it bad that I *like* soul crushing/depressing stuff like this?

Date: 2010-04-26 09:01 pm (UTC)
ext_133774: (Default)
From: [identity profile]
Cheer up. I actually got some kind of weird pleasure out of watching all of those clips.

Date: 2010-04-27 01:54 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I honestly enjoy movies with sad endings, though X). It's not that I want bad stuff to happen to me, I just love a good tragedy...

Date: 2010-04-28 05:46 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I am relatively glad to say that TGIF was, at best, a hazy memory.


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