Classics

Dear Internet,

We decided to watch 2 out of the 3 Lord of the Rings movies last night. I had forgotten how gorgeous those films were. You can almost smell the air of the forests.

I am posting today to share a great quote from that night. This unusual summary of Tolkein's story is the result of a ten minute attempt to explain the entire thing in one sentence.

"Lord of the Rings is a story about a bunch of lazy midgets who take a long walk, and a ring."

Truly,
Kigs

Weed Allergy and Racism

Dear Internet,

Racism is hilarious sometimes. Sometimes.

My roommate works at a movie Theatre. It's a pretty terrible job, but it has its perks. Free movies for his friends. Popcorn. Movie swag.

Unfortunately, you also occasionally jump head first into a customer service nightmare. Here's some background.

Precious just came out.





The film's main character is Claireece "Precious" Jones, an abused teen mother who is dark-skinned, overweight and illiterate. It stars Mo'nique and Mariah Carrey, and has received lots of attention from the Sundance Film festival, Oprah Winfrey, and has won several Audience awards.

Back to the story at hand.

My roommate works at a Movie Theater. He's White, in his late 30's, and happens to be allergic to Marijuana. The movie's demographic is going to attract African Americans, and due to the Theater's location, this particular movie theater failed to attract the Cafe Art Crowd the movie was originally aimed at, and instead filled the theater with thugs and self proclaimed hood rats.

Mind you, the latter is not a term which I use. It is a term which the lady in this story used to describe herself. I wish I was kidding.

So, this fine, upstanding urban lady comes up to order a popcorn REEKING of weed. My roommate starts taking her order, smells it, and suddenly becomes very aware of an itch starting inside of his throat. He turns around, shoots her a nasty look, and proceeds to walk to the other side of the room.

The manager, knowing Brian's problem and smelling the weed as well, steps up to the cash register to finish the order.

The lady explodes into a slew of racial epitaphs, quotes, and curse words which would have made a sailor proud. She's screaming around the general theme of "That racist fat ass is refusing to serve me because I'm black!" in the key of E minor. The manager, seeing that this situation is quickly going to get out of control, attempts to calm her down and explain the situation, but each time he opens his mouth the lady starts hushing him, thrusting her hand into his face, and springing into a new chorus of "WHAT THE FUCK?!?".

With each progressive outburst, she comes closer and closer to jumping over the table and digging her nails into the manager and my roommate. A few African Americans hear her yelling about the guy behind the counter refusing to serve her because she is black and begin to get restless. One of them starts to chime in.

Finally, Brian sees that this about to get very bad, very quickly, interrupts her in mid-tirade and screams, "I'M NOT RACIST, I'M ALLERGIC TO MARIJUANA AND IT'S ALL OVER YOUR CLOTHES!"

The entire room goes silent.

"It's medical!" snaps the lady irritably.

"I don't care. It can still make me die!" replies my roommate.

"Ma'am, I think this is a misunderstanding. Would you like a free popcorn?" says the manager.

The lady flips a psychological 180, calms down, lets out a nervous laugh, and starts stammering an apology to my roommate.

The moral of the story:
Don't jump to conclusions.

Truly,
Kigs